“No one wants to see an unhappy kid.”
“No one wants to see a struggling mom.”
If you’re a Mom Blogger, Mom Youtuber, or Mom Social Media Fiend, you have probably heard some variation of those phrases. No one wants to see a mom with a messy house, dirty kids with stained play clothes running around yelling like little banshees. If we wanted that, we’d only have to look up from our own social media to see such an imperfect life, right?
I struggled with this for quite a while, even before I started my instagram. I knew I’d never be able to show an Instagram-perfect house with white walls, not when my husband painted the house in shades of the primary colors, out kitchen in a dingy yellow, the living room in a deep red, and the bedrooms/bathrooms in a dusky blue, and the house itself is often shaded by trees and has openings for airflow, not natural lighting.
Plus, I live near Flint, MI. If you haven’t been following the news, just know that it’s not exactly a hotbed of awesome things right now. We still have issues with drinking water! So it’s not like I’m living in a glamorous area.
And I’m having issues with conceiving a second child. This is kind of a gray area, because I’ve seen a lot of bloggers and vloggers talk about their struggles with conceiving, but it’s almost like, once they had a baby, their problems were done. Mine were not. I had problems prior to my son’s conception, which were part of the reason that my previous relationship failed, and now I’m having issues with conceiving, and there’s more than a small part of me that fears my marriage will suffer from this, even though my husband has given no sign of anything otherwise.
Also… My kid is selectively cute. He’s cute when he has an audience, which means he’s adorable on camera, or around other people (even my husband), but with me… Well, there’s a reason he has the nickname “Terror”. He can turn this on and off at will, which often leaves me looking like the bad guy when he’s suddenly precious, but I’m still disciplining him for a previous transgression. Oh my goodness, those moments are the worst – I’ve lost count of how many times people have said something like, “Momma, calm down, he’s fine now.” Yes, he’s fine now, but that’s because he knows he’s in trouble.
So, what do I do? Do I edit those moments? Do I try to film us only doing fun things? Do I only film in one area of my house, or outside? Do I pretend that I’m content being the parent to one child, even though I’m not? On the last part, that’s what has been suggested to me. No one wants to hear a mom talk about how she wants another child – that’s just rude when there are people who can’t conceive at all. When I’m asked if we’re thinking about having another child, I should just respond with something like, “We’re open to whatever happens!” or “Oh goodness, no!” It’s “not right” to talk about having problems. It might hurt someone’s feelings. It might make someone uncomfortable.
As you have probably seen from my videos, I don’t care about that. I remember wondering if there was something wrong with me, if I’m the only person experiencing X issues. I’ve started to take that into other areas of my vlogging, too, specifically the “To Heck With It All” DITL video I posted last week, where absolutely nothing went right.
I’m not perfect. Life doesn’t always work out. Sometimes, I get to be the mom that looks like the jerk mom. I get to be the one telling a well-meaning grandparently figure “No”, that my child is going to cry because we are leaving, they have been a right pain in my behind and I’m not taking it. My house isn’t always perfect. It’s dark. It’s moist (thanks, riverbank living). It’s messy at points. Life happens. It’s not always sunshine and Clifford.
And that’s just fine.
Thank you so much for stopping by, and as always, have a good one!